The Dance of Dissolution: Navigating Ego Death and Journey Loops in Plant Medicine
In the luminous circle of Ayahuasca, Velada ceremonies, and other sacred plant medicine traditions, we are invited to journey beyond the familiar boundaries of the self. These medicines guide us into realms where identity can dissolve—sometimes softly, sometimes abruptly—revealing new dimensions of awareness. Yet within these powerful experiences, we may also encounter journey loops: moments where thoughts and visions cycle endlessly, leaving us disoriented and questioning the very fabric of reality.
When the Self Begins to Fade
As the brew takes hold—whether in the darkened maloca under the watchful eye of the curandero or in the intimate Velada circle—the sense of “I” can start to blur. Memories, labels, and defenses that once anchored our identity loosen their grip. At first, this dissolution can feel like relief: the weight of expectations falls away, and a vast open sky of consciousness emerges.
But when the ego retreats too far, the ground beneath us can feel unsteady. Without the usual markers of self—our name, our story, our sense of presence—reality itself can seem unstable. Colors may shift unpredictably, time may stretch or vanish, and the boundary between inner visions and the outside world can dissolve.
The Whirl of Journey Loops
Amidst this shifting ground, journey loops—also called thought loops—can take hold. A fragment of memory, an image of a childhood scene, or a single, repeating phrase may cycle relentlessly. In one moment, you might chase the loop, trying to understand its origin; in the next, you may find yourself utterly lost, unsure if the repetition is part of the ceremony or a breaking of your mind.
These loops can feel like a labyrinth with no exit: every turn brings you back to the same point, and the absence of a stable self makes it almost impossible to say, “I am here.” Instead, you may find yourself floating in a stream of endless reflections, unsure which thought is yours and which arises from the medicine.
Journey Loops and Ego Death: A Sacred Interplay
Ego death and journey loops often emerge hand-in-hand within Ayahuasca and Velada ceremonies. As the sense of self dissolves, the mind may cling more tightly to familiar thoughts or visions, creating loops that feel endless. In this way, the fading ego can unintentionally fuel the very loops that momentarily disorient us. Yet this intertwining is purposeful: ego death clears a space within, and journey loops illuminate the patterns and wounds that occupy that space.
Rather than seeing loops as obstacles to the loss of self, we can view them as signposts—markers pointing to the stories and fears the ego once used to define us. When we meet these loops with compassion, we honor both the dissolution of old constructs and the gentle unfolding of new understanding.
Emerging from the Spiral
Though journey loops may feel never-ending, they, too, are part of the medicine’s teaching. Each cycle offers a glimpse into patterns that shape our waking life—habits of fear, clinging, or self-judgment. As the ceremony wanes, these loops often fade, leaving behind a clearer panorama of the mind’s landscape.
When the dawn light filters into the maloca or kitchen circle, the world resumes a stable shape: the bark walls stand firm, the drumbeats steady, and the voices of fellow travelers resonate with warmth. In this light, the loops transform from bewildering mazes into threads of insight—guiding you to areas of your psyche in need of compassion.
A Gentle Invitation
The dance of dissolution—where ego death and journey loops intertwine—is neither a test nor a trial. It is a sacred unfolding, an invitation to meet every aspect of yourself without judgment. Though the path may twist and the self may momentarily vanish, there is always a return—a reunion with the wholeness that transcends any single identity.
May your ceremonies be held in loving care, and may every loop you journey through bring you closer to the freedom that lies beyond the self. In the space between dissolution and return, may you discover the beauty of simply being.